Let’s Make a Trade!


– I like to educate people. I wanted to be a teacher
when I was a little kid. I wanted to be a teacher– Well, first I wanted to be
a veterinarian, then I wanted to be a teacher, and then I wanted to be
a huge celebrity, and then… [audience laughter] That happened,
so I just stuck with it, so– But today, here’s what we’re
going to learn: Latin, and not the Ricky Martin
kind of Latin, but Latin like people spoke
way back in, you know, the beginning of–like, a
hundred years ago or something. [audience laughter]
Today’s Latin lesson is “quid pro quo.” “Quid pro quo.”
Do you know what that means? What does it mean? (woman) “This for that.”
Tit for tat. – Okay.
[audience laughter] I didn’t think–ah, yeah. That’s what it–
that’s what it means. And so, we’re going to play
a game in honor of that. It’s called Let’s Make a Trade. (multiple people)
Let’s…Make…A…Trade! [game show music]
[cheers and applause] [applause] – First of all,
I’m very proud of you that you know what
“quid pro quo” meant. [audience laughter]
Here’s how this works. I’m going to wander through
the audience, and I just want to trade
something, so if you have something
that I’m looking for, if I ask for something
and you have it, then I’m going to trade you for
something that I have. And so go through your–
get your purses out, your man purses, whatever,
because– Just–I don’t know what
I’m going to ask for. I never know. I don’t have anything in mind
right now. I like–for instance,
a $100 bill. Does anybody have a $100 bill? [audience talking at once] She was right here.
Okay, thank you. [audience laughter] Does anybody have–
[audience laughter] [audience laughter] No.
What if I did that? What if I–
Hi, what’s your name? – Roanna.
– Roanna, okay. So there’s a Puss–
a Puss in Boots over there. And–
[audience laughter] [audience laughter]
Where do you live? – I’m from the Philippines.
– Ah, the Philippines! – Yes.
– We just had someone on from the Philippines, that
little Balang guy, did you see? – Oh, yes, I saw him on–
– Adorable, right? – Yes.
– Yes, wonderful. Okay, so for that $100
that you gave me– Did I give it back to you?
– Yes, it’s here. – Why would I give it back
to you? [audience laughter]
– For trading. – All right.
– We’re going to trade. – No, but you’ve got to
give it to me so I can give you something. – Okay.
– You’re ruining my game. – I’m sorry.
[audience laughter] [audience laughter] – God, you’ve got a lot of money
in there. – No, no, no.
[audience laughter] [audience laughter]
It’s peso–pesos. – All right.
No, it’s not, this– This is not peso. [audience laughter] I mean, yes it is.
I need more. This is not 100. [audience laughter] All right, let’s see what–
what I’m going to give her for this $100. [harp music] Oh!
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] What is it?
[applause] – It’s a 55″ TCL Roku TV to celebrate
National Streaming Day. It’s a smart TV with sleek
design, a simple home screen, and you’ll have access to more
than 2000 streaming channels. [audience laughter]
– Two thousand channels! [cheers and applause]
Let’s– [cheers and applause] And, uh, Puss over there.
What’s behind your box? Or inside the box, because– [audience laughter]
Maybe– Maybe I’ll give her that, too.
What is it? [harp music] [cheers and applause] – Ellen, it’s a 2-year
Netflix gift card, available at Best Buy. Spend the summer binge-watching
“Scandal” and “Orange Is the New Black.” [applause] – Of course, you can watch
“Scandal,” who–Portia de Rossi is now
a series regular on “Scandal,” so that’s good.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] “Orange Is the New Black.” All right, I’m going
to wander around. I’ll give you your hundred back.
I don’t need that. All right, thank you so much.
[audience laughter] And let me see who else
has anything– Who has something like a– Like a banner that says
“Miss Something.” What is this?
[audience murmurs] “Miss Military 2015?” You won that contest?
– Yes. – Stand up, Mrs. Military. [cheers and applause] Congratulations.
[cheers and applause] – Thank you.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] – I don’t know what you did
to earn it, but congratulations.
[audience laughter] Well, uh–now you have to
give it to me to trade. No, I’m kidding.
[audience laughter] I don’t know.
I don’t want anything from you, but I–is there–is there
one more TV back there? Because if there’s one more TV
I want to give her that, because she didn’t give me
anything. Oh good, Andy found another TV. [cheers and applause] There you go.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] – I like your outfit!
– It’s a good outfit. – I like your sash.
[cheers and applause] – Thank you. I really need somebody
to trade me something, so I’m going to walk over here. Does anybody have any type of
a food substance, like some kind of–
[audience all talks at once] [audience all yelling at once] Okay, I don’t want to take it.
That’s your apple, but boy, y’all all have
a lot of food in your– [audience laughter] Does anybody have like a–
like a–more food? [audience all talks at once] Okay.
Wow. One more TV and the two years
Netflix card as well, so you get that for the apple. – Oh, thank you.
[cheers and applause] – Keep your apple, though.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] You keep that water. I feel like I’m not trading
anything. I feel like I’m just wandering
around and– [audience laughter]
All right. Well, here’s what
I’m going to do, ’cause this is going to
take all day if I keep going to each
and every one of you. I feel like I should give every single person
in this audience a TV. [loud cheers and applause] [music plays]
[cheers and applause]

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