Trader Caméraman #5 “Le Traiteur” feat Gérard Darmon


We’re having a really good time Oh we are, my friend Two glaces of champagne, please Actually, no. Leave me the bottle, thank you Anything to party? Hum? Oh no, no… Well, maybe The end of my career Oh damn, I’m sorry. I’ve thought… No, please. You wouldn’t know. Don’t be sorry But at the same time, we never know… Pardon my friend’s curiosity No, no, please. There’s no problem Allow me to explain what happened Impatience is a sin He’s right Actually, I’ve just lost a big client Oh damn it! But how? I’ve set up a buffet. I’m a caterer A buffet for 400 people 4 times 100, 400 people Entirely made of pork But it’s was for a Bar Mitzvah and I didn’t pay attention I’ve thought that “Mitzvah” was the bar’s name Yup. And to end with, I’m in the red, with a buffet for 400 hundred people on my back Wait a second. That means that your cart is actually a buffet on wheels? Yes Would you like to try? That will be an honor Go on Ah you… Again! Again? It’s unbelievable Ohh the ham! I never eat delicacies this good, man! Hum? You should try it, buddy No, thanks… it’s harām (prohibited in Arab) Well… Listen, I’ll leave you to it. Here’s my card Thank you Yeah… Wait a second! You’re caterer, right? Yes I’m a cameraman And my friend there is a stock broker That means we could… TEAM UP! What’s wrong? Oh, nothing. It’s just that it doesn’t work That would be: Stock Broker, Cameraman and Caterer And that doesn’t work… Don’t get me wrong! No, no, please, please There’s no problem Well, I’m going. I’m pleased of making your acquaintance. So anyway… See you later! See you later! See you later, caterer… See you later, gentlemen Classy guy! It really sucks that you don’t want to team up with him With a dude that roams around with a cart full of pork and drunk on champagne? I’m sorry, but I’ve seen classier Oo là là, you’re in a bad mood today. What’s up? The CAC 40 (Paris’ stock market) didn’t do good? Chill out, honey! Yeah! Yeah you’re right, I’ll chill out But without you! Yeah, go up! Oh fuck, there’s an IPO! Oh là là What? He left without his camera? That’s not pro. That’s not him Oh no! I knew it! Never trust a champagne drinker! Hello! Math Teacher? Yes, I’m good. You? There’s something wrong with cameraman! Where are you? Listen, I’m in a buffet to party the Pythagore’s theorem’s 10 year anniversary Ten years you say? Yes, it’s written on the card In the suburbs OK! It’s a trap! Get out, right now! Get out! Get out! Hello? Hello! Math Teacher! Math Teacher! Hello!! Oh, he’s got him too! [Caterer] [In your ass] Beginner’s mistake Alright, munchkins Are we still hungry? You’ll stuff you! You’ll see! And then I’m gonna stew you! With care…! But no coriander, because I’m allergic to it Ah OK! It’s good that you’ve said it. I don’t like lumps in my soup Wait, I… I didn’t get the link with the lumps… I’ll explain it to you then He’s allergic to coriander I have the intention of making a soup He’ll get pimples And pimples make lumps! Do you understand or you want me to repeat? Hum… I would like if you could repeat because…. He tells me that he’s allergic To the soup To… You’re allergic to what? To coriander, yes He’s allergic to coriander I have the intention of making a soup Good That means he’ll get pimples Pimples, in the soup, make lumps OK… Good I have a question Yes? Do you have a kettle that is big enough for both of us? Do you have a big enough kettle… to insert both of us in? That’s my question That’s his question That’s my question. That’s what I asked Yeah I won’t answer Come closer What? Here You No! There you go Stop! Let my friends go, right now! Ahhhh, there’s my dessert! I doubt that! Because I’m… Diabetic! Oh yeah? Yes. Type 2. The lack of sugar makes me want to urinate frequently Since my kidneys make a huge amount of urine to eliminate the glucose in my blood And not speaking of my bacterial infections or of my lumps Oh no! Shit! No, no, my dessert. My plan goes down swinging! But what plan? I would be the first to make a…. a human buffet Yeah All of that to shove down the vegan’s throats Those who screwed up my thing with their… Their buffets 100% tofu I hate them vegans, I hate them! I should’ve listened to you and my mom. She would always say that gluttony is a sin Forgive me, man! You’re not going anywhere like that! Did you hear? Because you know a little too much now! Too much! Wait! Why don’t you do yourself…. The dessert? But why didn’t I think of that? Why! Didn’t I … Of course! Oh no, sugar! That makes me want to pee! Well done, Math Teacher! You’re fabulous! Wait, don’t say that! I don’t wash cold Fab! The detergent! Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribeee! Subscribe to Bapt&Gael cause it’s cool!!

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